Cauterize ~

The deep gash on my arm
the pain so real
as always,
left you unmoved.

Flesh hanging ,
shirt soaked in blood.
On a stretcher
outside the operation theater
to be stitched up.

Surely ,
this should have evoked
a different reaction .
I wonder.

With me you were.
Yet , a presence is all I can remember.

A tilt
towards my half brother and sister.
Let affections in my cup drain.

And then
you had to leave .
What could have been,is what never was.

Shelter uprooted, the roof blown away.
In one single moment ,
You were gone forever.

Today,
I look at my son.
Its me i see in his eyes.

I am to him,
what you should
have been ,
to me.

Every fear,each insecurity.
I'm there beside you son.

I love you far beyond my own self .
It's my childhood
I live in you .

Father,
with me you were,
Yet ,a presence is all I remember ...

Thought for the day ~

Come ,
Let us celebrate

Your pains
and sufferings,
the sorrows and losses.

Let
the pain within
resonate pure joy.

Your hearts cry
instead
fill you with laughter.

Come,
ride with me .
Every trough joyously
as every crest.

Live your life ,
your every breath
a celebration~

~ Ikkyu~

From the world of passions returning to the world of passions
There is a moment's pause.
If it rains, let it rain, if the wind blows, let it blow.

My real dwelling
Has no pillars
And no roof either
So rain cannot soak it
And wind cannot blow it down

No one really knows
The nature of birth
Nor the true dwelling place.
We return to the source
And turn to dust

If at the end of our journey
There is no final
Resting place,
Then we need not fear
Losing our Way.

No beginning,
No end.
Our mind
is born and dies:
The emptiness of emptiness!

~Ikkyu~

25 Random things about me ~ frm facebook.

Rules:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)


So Now about me: 25 random things about me.

1. I love to travel .. not the regular tourist circuit .. but just about anywhere .

2. Love to take photos ...... like to blend a bit of art in mine .

3. have suffered slight hearing loss due to exposure to loud rock music in the early years.

4. Is more of a milk product person .. enjoy indian food the best .

5. Is left handed ...and right handed . I left with my right ..sorry write with my left and whats left i do with my write.

6.stayed in a jungle camp for almost a year .. working , not chilling out .

7. i feel fortunate to be connected with my core group of friends from school ... and the best part is nothing has changed even though we all so far apart.

8.learnt driiving ... in the seventh standard ... in a jonga jeep ..on the golf course .. jumping sand banks and chasing sheep .

9 achieved a turning point in 2008 materially that is ,surpringly it really did not make any difference to what i felt. Only made me realize its just another aspect.


10. feel life is about the life in ones years .. love Robin shamas quote " wake up early , you'll have enough time to sleep once you're dead " ;P

11. have an aversion towards people who tend to associate and interact with people filtered thru their status , laurels etc .. as if i care. I tend to regard superficial people as light.

12.was fortunate enough to be part of a delegation to a number of nations .. representing the state .

13. have enjoyed driving to most of the himalayan countries and states ... would love to visit Ladakh soon.

14. have gone across to bangladesh carrying a toothbrush soap and a towel walking .. to do the morning stuff ;P

15. have no specific idol or father figure ..but admire individual qualities in some great leaders and common people ..Gandhji ..or my sweeper .

16. wish i could swim , sing .. maybe do both of them together . :D ..

17. i can take the truth .. besides the crap .And I can respect you for it .

18. belive in simple yet fulfilling living .. with an enquiring mind , a healthy body .. contentment are the keys to happiness. Im working on it.

19 was on vegeterian food for more than a year .. got my people worried as hell .Had to get back to eating creatures in their better interest.

20 . like to read when the mood gets me . .. watch movies on cable regularly .Find comedy the best form of entertainment . Why pay to cry?

21. Have a sense of humour .. good enough for me .. and my friends.

22. Would love to keep a furry , cuddly pet . A loving dog ..or a garfieldish or snowballed cat .. read lazy cats. I can spend a whole day watching two kitties play ...love baby lizards too. ;P

23. have experienced two NDEs .. near death experiences .. a sinking canoe in total darkness of the night ... a close brush with a huge snake of the venomous variety... a queer feeling of the soul wanting to jump out of the body and make a dash for safety.

24. have written and watched whole movie scripts in my dreams ..

25. have a deep rooted desire to go completely bald : )

Fatalistic ~

Strip me of my soul ,

rob my intrinsic self ...


Let me not remain me.



Stifle my hunger,

and let me flow...


As every other soul.


In me

let peace prevail.



Let me try this death....

( circa 1997 )

Last Night ~

The starry skies
and city lights
do not reach out to me .

Gaze as I do
looking for clues ...
comforts of reassurance
missing .

All is cold .

Soul perched on a high ledge
signs of life drift by ...
In the valley below
trucks roll by past midnight .


The pretence disappears
the gaze turns inwards.

How clueless can life get.

Joy and positivity
that in me radiated
and infected .

Was that my natural state or is this it .

Lessening intensities
works for a while .

Just a matter of time
till you're back ...

To your other side ....

Elevation .

A whirling dervish
caught in the swirl of life
this moment is but mine .

The Life within pulsating,
gliding in rhythm
a vibration to an elevation
seeker to state of wholesomeness
Is it me .

Like trees and the streams
in natural states of surrender.

The will of elements ...
Cannot we surrender to thee
And fly ?

Morning musings

thought id find space to park my morning thoughts ....

16.7.2009

Art is my nudity . I hope you like what you see ....

I have my set of principles .... never mind they appear to you of a low standard....

A proverbial Don Quixote with an idea of love ....err an ideal was it ?

Art is freedom .

Isn't it obvious men and women are different ? A lot of women don't quite understand that .

Equality is fine . . . respect even better .

From my Rooftop : An Autumn Sunset . November 2008

Daniel Lewis.

Lou had agreed to drop me at St Johns . The medical center was about an hours drive from our area . Having left for the centre early in the morning , we were there by ten. My appointment was due for eleven am.

An upgrade in my insurance had made it mandatory to undergo these unnecessary and time consuming tests. Thankfully on a saturday I wouldn't be missing out on office.

As I confirmed my appointment with the attendant , I noticed a figure seated in a wheel chair about ten yards directly behind me in the patient area . What was it that made me feel I knew the person on the wheelchair ? Turning around to make my way towards the exit I stared in total disbelief , it was Daniel Lewis !

Daniel Lewis ? Danny Boy!! was it really him ? What was he doing here in Oregon ? Twenty years no maybe more was the last I saw him.The legendary Daniel Lewis ,the king of Soul here right in front of me .

We were neighbours back then. In spite of being older by almost eighteen years we had shared a lot in those years . I used to tinker with his guitar almost every evening after school . On weekends he'd have fellow musicians over and spend the best part of saturday night jamming into the wee hours of sunday morning .

Daniel Lewis was an orphan , a gifted one . Selling newspapers playing at birthday parties and funerals saw him through school and the first year at the university What he made was still never enough.

The turning point in his life happened soon after . An agent of Coldfish records happened to visit our town during that time . Daniel had somehow managed to persuade him and land himself an audition the very next day . I remember the time I met him hurrying along home all so very excited " todays a beautiful day little Tom , destiny it seems has taken notice of me , i may have a chance , is'nt that something ! "
continued >>>

Five Addictions

1. Express myself : Be it a few lines of poetry or an emotion or thought. On paper or on a blog.Archiving myself , I must say . :)

2. Fitting the pieces together : Finding meaning in visual life through Photography. Life as I perceive it through my eyes.

3. Internet : Guess im addicted . I did go in for detox ... doesn't work. So I kind of leave the detoxing to the days im travelling or sundays .The reason i've removed my net connection at home . Don't want to turn into a night owl. ( do I hear a tuhuit! there ;P )

4 . Travel : Haven't really been getting much of it lately but I like to travel. Distant lands specially driving all by myself that too at night . Bhutan .. Nepal ..Arunachal..etc.

5 . Music : Love music and Lyrics with soul. All genres . In fact i find the right kind of music rejuvenating enough to drive long distance non stop 24x4 er at least 24 x2.

My Mood tonight.

Surrounded ,
my many close ones ,
I chose loneliness.

Simple in want ,
and desire ,
I chose the supernatural.

To live ,
I envisioned death
My soul motivator .

A reasonto die
in its quest.
I chose love.

A thought.

Let not my misery find flow in words,
nor mirror reflections of my inner soul.

To be read and reread,
to empathize with me ,my loss.

No words of praise,
for my cleverly strung words of intensity.

Just let me be.

I have dwelled for far too long
on subjects of love , longing and misery.
I have nothing left to offer you.

My longings are real fraught with pain .
Pray what kind of entertainment can I offer you ?

I have witnessed my hair's greying ,
Now ever so close to my day's evening.

Somehow I wish I was born differently,
For now just let me be.

Change is good.

Well, change doesn't necessarily have to be good. But then as an adult .. one cannot help but progress in ones outlook on life & relationships provided there is strength and substance in the reasoning.
Be it strengthening of ties or the severing of , change is there . Processes of reasoning , perception etc can alter ones view of situations , provide strength that can even surprise oneself.

A concept called Time.

( Just penning down a thought )
What is time but just a concept .

We wear watches to keep track of the moment. Seconds tick away but then does it really change the present?

The day is constant , the night too. Like all planets and stars in the solar system we are suspended for eternity or otherwise may be subject to an event which would terminate the existence or change the composition of matter .

I would rather say that events , happenings be it the setting of the sun , the condensation of clouds and thereafter rain are events ... Similarly in life , time measured in minutes and seconds doesn't really make sense , events be it our waking up in the morning , eating breakfast , going to work , playing , aging falling sick are events which we define by time. Events , the intervals between events , different events is measure by a concept called time. Time in itself is just a concept .

What matters are events.

Osho : thoughts

"If you really want to know who I am, you have to be as absolutely empty as I am. Then two mirrors will be facing each other, and only emptiness will be mirrored. Infinite emptiness will be mirrored: two mirrors facing each other. But if you have some idea, then you will see your own idea in me." – Osho“Love has nothing to do with somebody else, it is your state of being. Love is not a relationship. A relationship is possible but love is not confined to it, it beyond it, it is more than that ~ man becomes mature the moment he starts loving rather than needing. He starts overflowing, he starts sharing, he starts giving. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena… they are together, and yet tremendously alone; they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality.”- OSHO

A handful of Stardust.

Dreams and more dreams .

Lives we spend dreaming for one happy moment , an aquisition, an attainment , a person , so very single focus in approach that happiness will only be achieved only on the attainment . Losing track of the present god given gift we possess ...Life itself.

I'm no different in any way, longing and hoping for things to go my way . Oblivious to my own existence of pulsating life within me . Heartbeats lost , wasted in worry and hope . Oxidation in full progress , losing the only other gift of time in the process.

How i wish to exist in my own shell of timelessness and fond memories . Of moments lived and moments to be 'lived' not passed through. Acceptance of my limitations as an insignificant creature with little understanding of anything , yet reveling in the glory and miracle of existence itself.

Dreams die and so do you . Why die while we live ?

I guess i should stop dreaming instead. Live life fully awake ... Dreams have no place in life.

Devdas (hic! ) ; ) read > Love and Alcohol

Could there be a better blend than in Devdas?

Glorifying the shenanigans of a love smitten character who seeks solace in the arms of an equally virtious prostitute at the same time extolling thebenefits of Daaru. ;-).

What a lethal combination!

The choreography, the sets.... the music ...all so perfect.But hey, whats the story?

A wimp of a guy who cannot stand up on his own two feet to marry the woman he loves...takes to the bottle..and unwaringly to a comfort woman...and finally the bottle gets the better of him.

’Grand Finale’ huh?

Don’t we hear of such Romeos in almost each and every village ,town, city of this district, state country.......world.A pretty bad example for youngsters to emulate.

Had Dave Das (americanized) probably taken the initiative to join Alcoholics Anonymous,..firstly we would’nt have heard of him ;-) ... but more important he would have probably cured himself of his addiction and would be found roaming the streets of Kalkatta humming ’’Paro ko goli maro’’

Probably the reason i give Devdas full marks is simply because i'm a sucker for good music and good choreography. Just awesome!

The story?Err well ...simply put...because Devdas was Devdas so im writing this review.

Thank you Dave where ever you are and thank u Bhansaleeji for the perfect music score.

Psst ! emotions..poetry..tears..wanna hear my own sad sob story? ;-D

Black? ( written yrs bk )

I had heard so much about ’’Black’’ ...even before it was completed.So when it was released the rave reviews and media attention it got was not surprising.

My family had booked a sunday date with it. Considering what was in store for me....I decided to give it the go by. Living in the country we live , there is so much of woe all around us ...the last thing I’d actually consider would be paying to watch the same , that to on a sunday evening.

In India all things 'Black' exist in every street.Just be sensitive to it and u will notice the pain ..the injustice... the fear ...the insecurity.....and yet the courage and spirit.

The real heros are out there , nameless.

From the reviews that ive read... pretty reassuring to know that there are few people who agree with me....their perspective is not mainstream. Yet to add on a song on to this movie would seem out of place.....probably it could have worked better the other way around ..... add a movie to a meaningful song in this context (if you know what i'm saying).

I respect the theme this movie is based on...and if any benefit however little that can come to the people in plight...its worth all the effort.

You’re free to differ in this regard.

On Pink Floyd's The Wall.(written yrs bk )

Every lyric and every word ...each thought expressed right thru this album has a special meaning for Floydians.

When you listen to ’’The Wall’’ u live through it all.

Could you call it just a music album?

For a person like me I’d say that its has been a part of my growing years.

Well, to get a better picture of things as i might sound vague to you ....check out the Video of this album. Calling it an excellent album is too cold a word for something thats so close to ones heart. You’d ask what about the songs ?

To reveal to you.... the Wall of life ...is about growing up as a child during the world war...yearning for love from ones father who has died in battle....’’dad has gone across the ocean ...leaving just a memory...a snapshot in the family album...daddy..what did u leave behind for me’’ Childhood with a dead father...never ever had the oppurtunity to receive his love ...never known.....leads to the years of growing up..the fear of dying..losing someone ’’mother do u think they’ll drop the bomb’’.the rebellion song ’’We dont need no education’’ ...the years of insecurity...confusion...of seclusion...of girlfriends......of having fun.... Living with the angsts of life in ’’comfortably numb’’.Probably an easier way out would be to go get a copy ..listen to every word ..and feel the music of a rhythm called life.

I dont think i do justice to what i write ....Floydians would know ;-)